Left in a fog of loneliness.....

Do you ever feel lonely? Maybe this is a ridiculous question…everyone gets lonely. But I’m not talking about that. I’m referring to a loneliness that leaves you in a fog…wandering around without knowing really what’s going on. That’s how I felt tonight, as if I was wandering through a fog, trying desperately to find my way out.

That’s why I write, trying to establish a connection with the reader; it’s why I read, trying to establish a connection with the writer; and it’s why I pray, trying to establish that connection with God.

But when I get to this point of loneliness, I shy away from others. I don’t want to be around people when I am lonely even though it is what my heart is crying out for. I feel awkward, uncomfortable and often more lonely than before, simply because I can’t make that soul-satisfying connection with that person. I am always left wanting more…or at the very least wanting something different.

And that’s why I avoid God so often. I’m scared that I will be left with that wanting, left with that feeling, or even be left more wanting and more lonely. So I avoid Him. I avoid the One that I know can satisfy that longing. I avoid the One who can make me whole. I avoid the One that can heal me. I avoid the One that is…the One.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3