Tuesday, July 24, 2007

My anxiety...and why I'm thankful

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

This is the verse that I've been taking to work with me for the past few days. I'm been memorizing it (something that takes some time for me), contemplating it, meditating on it, and struggling over it to a certain extent.

Being anxious is something I do. This sounds like justification, but that is not my intent. I wish I was less anxious about everything: waiting for e-mails, bad drivers around me, decisions about the future, when I'll get to eat, whether my friends will stand by me, whether I will stand by myself, whether my relationship with God is growing, etc. I'm pretty much perpetually anxious...which from personal experience is not a good thing, and this passage confirms it.

But that's not what stands out to me most about this verse. For the most part, the anxiety thing seems to explain itself in this verse. Feeling anxious...bring it to God. Check! Good to know...hard to do, but good to know.

What stands out to me most is a part of the passage that seems to be out of place. Let's read it again:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Wait a second...with thanksgiving??? How does that fit? Where did that come from? Somebody tell me.

So here we go...I'm anxious, so I bring it to God. I'm struggling with something...and I'm supposed to be thankful. Good to know. Does this frustrate anybody else? It doesn't seem to fit, and that's annoying. But as I continued to think this one over, I realized better questions to ask: Why am I not thankful? Why is coming to God 'with thanksgiving' difficult for me?

I'm not sure. I don't know why that is difficult for me. Even when things are great I can find it difficult...correction, I simply seem to neglect it. I But the more I thought about it, the more another verse popped into my head.

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." - Exodus 15:13

Let's break this one down for a second:
Your unfailling love
You will lead
Your strength
You will guide

Wow...now that's something to come to God "with thanksgiving" for...even when I'm anxious.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Hosea...who are you?

Hosea was a prophet of God and was giving a very unusual task. God instructed Hosea to marry an adulterous wife; and so he did. Hosea went and married Gomer. (I can’t imagine that this was a task that Hosea was really excited about. He is a prophet of God and is being instructed to marry an adulterous woman.) Hosea and Gomer had three kids. After the kids were born, Gomer ran off and deserted Hosea. So what did God want now? God told Hosea to “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulterous (Hosea 3:1).”

What? Go and love her again…are you serious? And this is how I have historical over the years related to Hosea: I too have been scorned and rejected by those who I have cared about. I have felt as if I was deserted. But as I read over the book of Hosea last week, something finally dawned on me: I am not Hosea.

Throughout the book God is telling Hosea what he should share with the people of Israel. It’s not a pretty picture. It is a picture of rejection, scorn, betrayal, and pain. God has been betrayed by His people. They have turned their backs on Him and have committed adultery to idols and other gods. They have cheated on Him.

I have cheated on Him. I have rejected, scorned, and betrayed my God. I have committed adultery with other idols and other gods…ones that I have created. In this book, Gomer is Israel…but I am also Gomer. I have been the one who has cheated on my God.

And that sucks to admit. It hurts to admit that I have failed. It hurts to realize that I am Gomer. Throughout the book, God is telling Hosea what will happen to His people who have committed adultery to Him. Ouch.

But that is not the end of the picture…there is more.

“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt (Hosea 2: 14-15)

“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord (Hosea 2:19-20).”

“When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed to the Baals and they burned incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them….How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboiim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man – the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord; he will roar like a lion. When he roars, his children will come trembling from the west. They will come trembling like birds from Egypt, like doves from Assyria. I will settle them in their homes, declares the Lord (Hosea 11:1-4, 8-11).”

I am not Hosea…God is. His people have scorned and rejected Him…and I am one of those who have done this. But just as God called Hosea to reach out to Gomer in love, God is continually reaching for His children. God is reaching for me…because I am His. I am God’s love…I am His Gomer.

Friday, July 6, 2007

This is it. This is the new blog. It's new for several reasons. The big one was that I needed a change. I no longer wanted to keep my old blog going (NOTE: I will keep it for my personal nostalgia). I started that blog when I was 17 years old and leaving for college for the first time. It seems like almost a lifetime ago. I am now a college graduate and have been hired by the school that I attended. It's a new phase of life and one that will bring it's new challenges. And with new challanges comes a new mindset. This new mindset is the reasons that I have started this new blog. I want to start fresh. I want to make a new beginning.

I want to use this space to say something. I want to share little pieces of myself, since sharing my entire self in tihs space would be impossible. I want to share my thoughts, my passions, my struggles, my pains, etc. But mostly I want to be able to use this space to share what God is teaching me. This is for two reasons:

1) to keep record for myself what God has been doing in/through/to me. I want to be able to look back and see what God has been doing, because he is always doing something.
2) to have a place to share. I believe that God wants us to share with others what He is teaching us. Therefore, I want to share.

It seems like there are a lot of things that I want to accomplish with this blog. Maybe I won't be able to do it, but I can try...and so I will. Here we go, lets get started.